Hey, everybody. Welcome to my guest tonight. I'm Jeff Revilla, your host. I've got
Andy Dietrich, veteran immigrant storyteller.
He's the vet with a wit tail that
barely fit in one book, one life
too much mischief to quit crashing weddings,
scamming clubs TTN pulled pork subs
from military drills to Vegas thrills he
spilled so buckle up
tight. It's comedy
with stories that never get old.
It's d.
I can't. I cannot. I. I literally cannot. With. With that.
With that introduction, I. I love it. Like, I. I freaking love
it. So however you put that together, nothing but respect and then
props to you, my friend. I'm so glad you enjoy what's. Honestly, one of my
favorite parts of the show was taking the research that I did and creating the
song for each of my guests. And you. You waited to hear it
live in the moment, and your reaction was all I.
All I hoped for. So I'm so glad you enjoyed it. And Andy, welcome
to my guest tonight. I'm ready to tell your story. Jeff. Thanks for having me.
And we opened up with immigrant right. You're not born in the United
States. Where were you originally born at? Yeah, so I was born in Berlin,
Germany. I lived a couple of there until my.
My mom and I moved to the southern area of Germany, Black Forest,
a little tiny village that no one's ever heard of. At 14, I.
I immigrated out to Alaska, of all places. There's a little story
that goes along with that as well. Lived a couple years up there,
formative years, high school years. Then in 19, I joined up, became
enlisted in the US military and did a little bit of stint for
Uncle Sam and got out in 2004 and moved to
Vegas and been here ever since. That's been kind of my little. My
paragraph version of who I am and where I've been.
And what age were you when you moved from Germany to
Alaska? Yeah, I was 14. So. Right. In that good,
impressionable young adult age. Right. So
puberty and all those things that went along with that.
Were you living rural in Germany, or were
you more in the city atmosphere? Yeah, so we lived in
a small little village, population of maybe like 4,000, I think it was. We
had one. One pizza restaurant, one post office, and
that's about it. I think. We had an elementary school, but for high school, I
ended up taking the train or the bus to the nearest, largest city.
So even though I spent most of my time in the village, I got some.
Excuse me, I got some city living just by virtue of Going
to high school there. And when you ended up in Alaska, was
the living situation similar or was the town even smaller?
Well, Fairbanks. So Fairbanks, if you look it up, it's right in the middle of
Alaska. It's kind of, it's a little bit everything, right. It's a small
town with a big. It's a big town with a small town feel, or vice
versa. Depends on how you look at it. Fairbanks had everything though, right? We had
a couple of high schools, we had a movie theater. We had one Denny's. Speaking
of which, that was my very first job. I worked at the northernmost Denny's in
the world as a prep cook. I think I cracked
about 50,000 eggs during one summer just because, you know,
Denny's and omelets and all that good stuff. I was a carney for about
two weeks. You know, I did the whole carnival thing. So I, you know, kept
myself busy and mostly out of trouble in Fairbanks,
Alaska or Alaska as a whole. It's a different animal, right? Things you have to
adjust to negative 40 degrees. Does things to you, does things to cars
that normally otherwise you wouldn't have to deal with. Right. So there's a little something
that goes along with that as well. One of the things I hear about Alaska
that, you know, most people think of the cold and maybe they're close to polar
bears or. But the summertime when the ground
kind of thaws out a little bit amount of
insects and. Yeah, it's crazy.
Is that true? Is there. Is Alaska inundated with
millions of insects in the summertime? You know, my God, we had so
many mosquitoes because they, they breed in still water, right? So when, when
the, when the snow melts and you know, have you ever puddles
of water every where it's prime season for, for
mosquitoes to lay their, their, to lay their eggs and for them to hatch and
we were just inundated. We got eaten alive by mosquitoes in the summertime. It's
on the way. It's. It's very beautiful when you walk through a field and you
see the swarms of mosquitoes, you know, clearing away for you. Clearing away
for you. It has its own beauty. But you know, if you've ever been around
mosquitoes, you know how, how frustrating it can be. And how long were
you in Alaska for? For about five years. Yeah, four or five years. Did high
school years. Yep. And then I left at 19. 19. Yeah. Because you
enlisted. We have you as a US veteran as well.
Did you enlisted while you were in Alaska? Was it a You know,
you know, trying to get out of Alaska as one of the reasons or. Yeah,
that was part of it. So I had a, I got a phone call from,
you know, I was living, you know, with a roommate, I was out of my
parents place and I got a phone call one day from a guy, he was
like. And he started with, you know, good day Sergeant so and so, United States
Marine Corps, blah blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, and kind of really heavy on
the bravado. And he asked me what, you know, who I was and
what I wanted to do with my life and if I want to go to
school and you know, those usual like recruiter questions. And I told him, look, I'm
not interested, thanks but no thanks, click, calls me up again. Five months
later. Now you got promoted. Between last call and this call, now he's Staff
Sergeant so and so, Staff Sergeant so and so, United States Marine Corps,
the whole shebang. Again, he asked me the exact same questions he did
five months prior. And I told him, look, I'm not interested,
thanks for the call, but you don't have to keep calling me. And he says,
well, why don't you come down here, come down to my office, I'll buy you
a cup of coffee and we can talk about it. I figured, look, if I
go down there, tell him straight to his face, no thank you, I get a
free cup of coffee out of it and I get taken off of his roster
while I went down there. And then he just laid it all out. But I
will say he did a really good job of recruiting me. He didn't lie to
me, he didn't embellish, he didn't bamboozle me. He just did a good job recruiting
me. And I thought, you know what, maybe this is a good way to get
out of this. I wasn't in a funk. But you know, my, my lease
of the apartment was about to expire. I was about to be laid off, laid
off from my jobs that were seasonal. So it all kind of came to a
head and I figured, well, maybe, maybe, why the hell not? So I just took
a chance, signed on the dotted line and a month later I was off.
Yeah, there's a story I almost enlisted into, into the army when
I would turn 18. They started sending you notifications and
postcards and I got one postcard from the army
that said, hey, sign up to get free army party
socks. These are like knee high socks with green stripes and army
embroidered down the side. And I was like, yeah, I was, you know,
18 year old, I Grew up skateboarding and punk rock and kind of a rebellious
kid. I was like, I'll take free socks from the army. I'll show them. Hell
yeah. And so stupid. I'll take it.
Stupid army doesn't know what they're doing. Giving away free socks like idiots.
Yeah, I'll ghost the Army. How hard could that. And so then
one day the recruiter shows up at the house
and my dad's like, what's going on? And my dad kind of
stonewalled him the whole way, so he just, he took off and never really came
back. But I did get the free socks and I wore those for years. And
yeah, I did beat the army. It's. And
so once you enlisted, where did they, where were you first stationed? At
the. So I went through basic training in mcrd, San
Diego. So if you ever landed in or took off from the San Diego
airport, if you turn to the right or south or whichever way south is, when
you're in the airplane, you'll see a bunch of, you probably see a bunch of
the young Marines, a bunch of the recruits running around and doing their thing. That
was me, you know, back in 2000. And I will say, being on the ground
there and seeing those airplanes take off every day, every time they took
off and we heard them, they were so freaking loud you couldn't talk over them.
You just have to stop and then wait till they're cleared. But every time they
took off, you know, we were all sitting there going, man, I wish I would
be on that plane right there. Or if we were running along the fence because
we had the obstacle course and the three mile run right around the fenced area.
We were running literally right by the tarmac. So whenever those planes took off, we
were running, you know, in parallel to them. We're like, take me with you, just
take me with you, man. So I did that
in San Diego. I did some training in North Carolina and then
I was stationed in Camp Pendleton, which is right between LA and San
Diego. I will say I had a cushy gig. I was sitting in an air
conditioned office, I was working on computers. We went to go party in
Pacific beach and Gas Lamp San Diego, went down to Tijuana a few
times. So I can't complain. I really had a really fairly
easy. Probably one of the cushiest gigs you can ask for compared to what
most other people went through when they went through their enlisted years. So it was
a good time. Was it during this time you started to
either fall in love with writing or you Just started collecting
these stories. I got some great stories from my army years.
Yeah, more like, More like collecting. Right. So I'll give you one. I went to
the PX and for you, for the non military, non veteran
listeners. So the PX is a personal exchange, basically. Like, like a store, like a
grocery store with things. You can go and buy them over on, on base, right?
So I went to the PX to buy some liquor, and the gal behind the
counter, she asked me for id, and I gave her my. Keep in mind, I
came from Alaska, I drive. I gave her my Alaska driver's license. And she
looks at it and she goes, oh, Alaska. I'm like, yep. And you don't
see very many IDs, you know, like that down there. And she goes, oh, it
must pre. Must be pretty warm down there. And I, And
I paused for a second and I looked at her kind of funny. I go,
down there. What do you mean? And she goes, you know, down there. Must be
pretty warm down there. And it took me another second to kind of
come up with a response. And I go, where? What do you mean down there?
What do you think Alaska is? And she says, you know, it's down there by
Hawaii. So, okay, so when you look at the weather
forecast, you got the continental 48 states, and then
you got, you know, Alaska and Hawaii down, kind of shoved off into the corner
there, right? And so she was on the impression that Alaska was down
there along with Hawaii. And I go, oh, no, sweetie, no. Alaska is way up
north. We're right in between Canada and Russia. We get negative 40 in the
wintertime. It's nowhere near down there. It's quite up there, right?
And then, and then this girl, she looks at me kind of funny and she
goes, are you sure? Of course I'm sure. I lived there
for five years. Come on. It also on the weather maps, looks fortified
because they usually have like a, like a box around it. You're like,
wow, you know, I thought I was worried about the Antarctica ice wall
here. Alaska is fully fortified. Don't tell those to the flat
Earthers. They're going to get a. They're going to have a field day with that,
you know. So, you know, you're, you're
doing, you're, you're serving and you're coming up with these stories. You start
collecting them. Are you writing them down at this time or you just kind of
banking them for later on? Yeah. So not at this time. At the time had
you asked me, you know, 20, 25 years ago, hey, do you ever think you'll
be writing a book on your shenanigans? I probably would have thought, no, probably not,
because there just weren't enough shenanigans to go around. But then as I started
living life and started, you know, experiencing things,
life experiences, and then, you know, having, having lived in Vegas for now
a number of years, 20 years now, you start, you know, accumulating, you
know, little stories and experiences and all that little adventures that you,
that you go on. And then a couple
years ago I thought, you know, hey, maybe I have enough here to, to actually
write something. Because I have had people say, hey, you should write a book. You
know, you have interesting stories, you have interesting opinions. And I always kind of
brush it off as sure, people just say that, right? And then I thought one
day, well, maybe there is enough here. So I started as I told these stories
over and over, I would make a, make a note on my phone because you
can't just come up with these stories as you think about them, right? You just,
as you sit there, you get kind of, you put yourself on the spot and
you're like, I will think of a story that happened to you. Well, I can't
think of one right now, but if it comes out of conversation, then I can
jot it down on my phone and then later on I can put it on
paper. And I did that. And then my biggest worry
was not having enough for an actual book, right? I didn't
want to be. I didn't want to have 60 pages and then I was done
with it. Because 60 pages isn't the book, right? Once I passed the 100
page mark, then I thought, hey, maybe there is something here. And I
fleshed it out and took me about two and a half years, start to finish
to write the damn thing. But no, it came together really well.
I'm very happy with it. Happy with the end result, happy with the
shenanigans that I put into it. My little misadventures and
my little miscreant moment. So no, it all, it was a
good time. The play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
The name of the book and what period of life does it is a
cover for you. A little bit everything, right? So there are some stories about me
being, you know, still a preteen in Germany all the way up
to my most recent adventures, right? So there is a lot of,
a lot happened, I would say, in the last 20 ish years of when I
kind of came into my own living in Las Vegas, you know,
working, being an adult or Trying to do adulting, going
on to festivals, you know, going to music events and, you know, traveling and
just, just the shenanigans that, that, that one can come across. For
example, there was one story that
I think the, the title of, of the chapter is called when you mess it
up for everybody else. So the, the gist of it is, I'll give you the,
the truncated version. I was making
stamps, return stamps for the clubs. So what was happening was I
was with a girl who wasn't old enough to be. To go to the clubs
yet. Even though she had a fake id, it wasn't that good. And the people
at the doors, they could spot those from a mile away. So I thought, well,
how can I get her and her friends into the clubs? Well, it dawned upon
me that they didn't check IDs when you went to the return line. So the
reentry line. So when you walk into a club, they check your id, you pay
for the COVID they give you a stamp on your wrist, and then with that
stamp, you can come in and out of the club all night long if you
wanted to. So I figured, well, how hard could it be to make this stamp
or these stamps and allow my friends to come in for free? And without checking
id, it turns out it wasn't that difficult to do. So I
turned it into a little tiny empire, I will call it,
to the point where I got so good I did that if somebody were to
send me the stamp of the day, because the clubs would rotate the stamps every
day, right? But they only have so many they would pick from. If you were
to send me a picture of the stamp for the night, in about half an
hour I was able to run it through Photoshop, run it through my Martha
Stewart stamp creation kit and everything. And I had a stamp
ready to go. You can come to the house and I would literally just like
an actual physical click, click stamp, you know, give you the stamp of the
night on your wrist. You pay me your 20 bucks and off you went.
Now it all came to a crashing halt when one
day I had a couple friends come over on a Wednesday and they wanted to
go to some club. And I said, sure, come on over. I have that stamp
for the night. Come on over. They did, they got stamped. And then about
45 minutes later they called me up and they said, hey, we can't get in.
I'm like, well, what happened? And one of the gals, she said, well, they're
checking IDs at the reentry line. And I go oh, well, when
did this start? It must have happened just recently. So,
yeah. So to this day, and this happened a good 15 years ago, that this
happened, to this day, they still check IDs at the reentry line. So that
was totally me. If you ever go to a club now in Vegas, you leave,
you come back, that check ID, that was 100% my doing, so you're welcome.
Yeah. On a slow night, 10 people came through the front door and 50 people
came through the reentry. You know, it got so bad that
at the time, the house I lived at, so I was going to college, I
was at UNLV here, the local university. I was in a fraternity, so I had
the social circles to go along with it. And then over time, literally every
weekend, more and more and more people would show up to the house for a
good half an hour, 45 minutes, get their pre game on, waiting for the
stamp to get ready to get done so they can get stamped and walk into
the club. It got to the point where I would even say, who are these
people? They were friends of friends of friends who heard about this and they want
to come by and put down their 20 bucks for the night. I'm like, look,
I'm not gonna. Not gonna stop them. But maybe it got too big too soon.
I'm not quite sure. Who knows, right? But it was good for a while. It
lasted. But it was good that it also ended when it did.
Yeah, there's. There's another story, the one that
I read a little bit about. If you can share it, that'd be great. The.
Are you Russian? Oh, my God. So
if you were to back up a good 20 or so years, like I said,
I went to university here at unlv, and I
decided to join a fraternity. And so I show up to
this event. It was a bunch of the fraternity brothers and a bunch of us
potential new brothers, right? People who want to
potentially pledge the fraternity. We're all sitting there where it's a shirt
and tie event. And I sit down and must have been a
brother who sat down next to me. And we start making small talk. And he
says, so, are you Russian? I said, no, actually,
I'm. I'm German. Why would you. Why would you ask me that? And he
starts laughing. He starts my. He tells his buddy, hey, man, this guy's got
jokes. He says he's German. When I asked him if he was Russian. And
I looked at him with that look of confusion of, I don't know. I still
don't know. Why? That was funny, but all right, I'll just go with it. Then
the guy goes, no, no, no, seriously, are you Russian? And I said, no, seriously,
I'm full blooded German. He starts laughing again and again. I
had no idea why that was funny to him. So finally I think
he realized that I had no idea what was going on. And he goes, oh,
no, bro, are you. Are you rushing? Are you rushing the fraternity? So I did
not know that the term rushing, when you rush a fraternity is
as you're trying to join, it's kind of like an interview process. Right? I didn't
know that that was a term. I didn't know that was a thing. So when
he explained that to me, I said, yes, okay, I am. That's. That's me. I'm
rushing the fraternity. Yes. So after the dust settled, he kind of turned to
me and he goes, why did you think I asked you if you're a Russian?
I go, I don't know. It was just as confused as you were. Okay.
That'S a great one. And one. Another one. That kind of hits home
to me, being a married man of 20 years, that there
was a place where you witnessed a divorce.
Okay, so I go to Chipotle, which is the. Which was
my watering hole for many, many years when, you know, back in my
earlier years. And I'm standing in line and in front of me is
this, you know, middle aged lady. I assume she was a mom of the
two. The two young daughters that were with her.
And she was just, you know, she was ordering for her and her daughters and
the kids were doing, you know, little kid things. And one of the
daughters was playing with it with a hair tie, kind of like bending it and
twisting it and just fiddling with it. And the mom goes, hey, what
do you got there? And she goes, hair tie. And then the mom goes, where'd
you get that? And the daughter says, daddy's car.
That lady's eyes went so big.
And I was like, nope, I want nothing to do with that. So I just
took a half a step back. I'm like, nope, I want to be nowhere near
that. So who's to say what happened? I have no idea
what, you know, what occurred before, afterwards. All I know is that
the mom was quite surprised when she heard that the hair
tie was. Was from daddy's car. Whoopsie.
Exactly. That's not one of mummy's hair ties. Awkward.
So the book. Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes. Is this something
you're going to keep as a collection that evolves as,
as you grow older and have more stories, do you
have future plans? Yeah, I mean, never say never. I will say that I definitely
poured a lot, maybe not everything, but I definitely poured a lot into this one.
I would be hard pressed to write another. Let's just see where this
one goes, right? If this one becomes, you know, this one makes it big
and I become famous off of it and some publishing studio wants to give me
50,000 bucks as an advance to write another one, sure. Right. I'm sure I
can figure something out. But as it stands right now, this is kind of like
the culmination of my last 30, 40
plus years of silliness. Let's just see where this one goes.
And sometimes when you, they say when you teach people, you
really understand a concept. And that also that pro.
That happens with writing too. When you put down these thoughts and
these experiences that you've had and you put a book
out, looking back on all that as you. Have
you learned things about yourself? Have you, have you had your own
takeaways from putting these stories together? A good question.
So the book is broken up into two
parts. The first part I lovingly call
silly stories. So the silly stories that you heard about the being Russian
and the check the Alaskan id, right? Those are all the silly stories that
I share. The second half is a little more introspective,
a little more somber tone. I have some,
some opinions, some unpopular opinions that I share.
There are some practical life advice. There are some self development
tips. Some things that have helped me in the past. For
example, one of the unpopular opinions that I share is that,
okay, I have been, I've been on the giving and the receiving end
of cheating, right? And then cheating is no joke, right? Someone
always gets hurt in the process. The person getting cheated on,
you know, definitely is on the short end of the deal. However, I will. My
unpopular opinion is that if you're the one getting cheated on, that
you should take maybe 5 or 10% of ownership of the
actual cheating happening because there's something that you didn't provide in the
relationship that made the other person go seek it elsewhere, right? So that's one
of the, There are other ones like that, right, Where I just kind of put
myself out there and here's my, here's my opinion. Take it or leave it.
So there's, there's a
couple points where I become quite vulnerable in, in the stories that I share.
So reliving through those times made me kind of realize that hey
there, it's, it's it's been a while since I've been through this. Right. But you
kind of relive those moments as you. As you put them on paper,
and I think it's also kind of therapeutic. So I.
Yeah, I think you kind of live through it again and you live with it
again and you process it again, but all for the better, I would like to
think. And people out there who have
their own stories and, you know, sometimes you wake up in the morning from
a crazy, raging party, you're like, oh, boy, you know,
some sketchy things happen, and maybe you have regrets about some of your stories.
Some people even have trouble processing some of the things
in their past and their history. And you mentioned cheating. You know, some people
really regret some of the choices they made and, you know, going through these
stories and. And reflecting on yourself. Do you have advice for people
who are having trouble maybe processing their past?
Yeah, I don't. I don't. I don't think I have very many regrets.
Sure. There's some things that, if I look back, I probably wouldn't have done it
quite the same way. I would say for anyone who is. Who may be in
similar situations that, look, I think all of life is
about experiences and learning and enjoying life,
what it has to offer. I think that life has a
lot to give, a lot of adventures to share with
anyone. But I also think it's a matter of, look, you have to put yourself
out there, and not every story will have a good
ending. For example, one of the things that I talk about in the second
half of the book is how I think life is like blackjack. If you've ever
played blackjack, you know that there's only so many things you can do when you're
dealt a hand. You can either stand or you can hit. You can also surrender.
You can split. Right. There's a couple other things you can do, but for the
most part, you either take another card or you stand with what you have.
Now, if. Also, if you play blackjack, you know that there are certain hands you
cannot win no matter if you stand or hit. The house already has you
beaten without you knowing it. I think there's a very valuable life lesson there
to where some things in life, some. Some situations in life, you
just cannot win no matter what you do. All you can do is take the
hit and then try again the next time. So I don't know,
like, I'd like to think that everyone's life experiences is, you know,
they're. They're all valuable and they all have probably
some sort of message that you can take away from it, but also a matter
of, look, you have to put, you have to put yourself out there. Life is
not going to, you know, feed you. If you're going to sit at home playing
video games all day and that's what, that's what tickles you, be my guest. Or.
But life is going to just pass you by if all you decide to do
is sit at home and watch TV all day. So I would like to think
that life beckons, but you also have to answer the call. It's a
journey. You're along for the ride. That's right. Whether you want to or not. Right.
Buckle up and you know, you said maybe the, you know, the book
you're going to kind of, you know, let become its own thing. How about
for yourself? Where do you see yourself in five years, do you think?
Maybe public speaking, taking this on a tour or,
or creating anything new, anything else on the horizon? Well, look,
if somebody wants to, you know, take this and you know, turn into a
movie or give me some sort of deal where I go from, become a
public speaker, I would more, I would love to entertain those ideas, but it's not
something that I have necessarily like carved into my
path. I've worked it my entire life. I have a well paying job, I
have a good team, I have a good company that takes care of me. So
that's my, my daily bread and butter. This was more of a like a passion
project, like a side gig that I wanted to do and I'm very happy with
what came off it. If it evolves into something else, great,
but if it doesn't, that's fine. And to your question about, you know, where you
see yourself in five years, as cliche as it is, I
just see myself doing what I do and being happy with it, whatever that may
be. Right. I think that your, your happiness is
ultimately the most important thing in the world. But the only person that's responsible
for, for getting after it is you. Right. Nobody else is going to take
your happiness as their priority. So it's up to you to make it happen for
yourself. You mentioned by day you work in it.
And I just want to take a moment to thank you for being a
true professional with the amount of trouble. Streamyard
is having some global issues and that's the way that we're recording right now.
And we spent half hour about a
week ago and we started recording today again a week later
and Andy's blocked off the time and instantly we had the same
problem again. And Andy and he's like, hey, I work in it. I know there's
things that happen. Things happen. And you're true, professional, truly
graceful. I truly appreciate you rescheduling, you know,
and again, you, I think you realize this is something that's beyond both of our
controls and I just really appreciate your time and
anything else you'd like to close off with. Where can we find the book? How
do we get the book if, if we want to reach out and can we
get it directly from you or from a third party? Sure, a couple different ways
you can get it. So probably the easiest way, if you go to Andy's book
dot com, there is a picture of me holding it up. There's a link to
the Amazon page as well. You can get straight from there
or for your listeners, if you go to andy's book.com gift
Enter your information and I swear I will not use it for anything but
sending you a copy. I still have a few left. So if you want to
trust me with your, your address, I mean, I'm more than happy to send you
a signed copy. Full disclosure, right? I mean, I pay, I charge, I
charge 12 bucks for the book online. My cut is like $4.80.
I'm not going to become rich off of it anytime soon. So the $4 and
change are not what's important to me. What's important to me is getting this into
the hands of the right people. If you find any of the stories that I
share today entertaining, if you, if you like to hear or read more
about my shenanigans and my mishaps, that's what's important to me. I want to
get those books. I want to get the book into people's hands that actually want
to read it. So again, Andy's book.com gift, I'm more than happy to send you
one of the few ones I have left here. Oh, that's awesome. What a great
gift. Andy Dietrich, thank you so much for joining us.
My guest tonight joining us twice, but the world will never know
the first time. I'm going to bury that footage. Let's go
back to that theme song. Andysbook.com gift
and here's the theme song. He's a vet with a
wit Tails that barely fit in One
book, one life Too much mischief to
quit Crashing weddings, scamming clubs
TT and pulled pork subs from military
drills to Vegas thrills he
spilled so buckle up tight
it's comedy gold with stories
that never get old It's
Andy D. 3 here tonight.
I can't. I. I still can't. I love that intro so much.
In my notes. I don't have pull pork subs, but the, the song
references. Oh, God, yes, My God. I can tell you that story
if you'd like to hear it. I'm more than happy to share that with you.
It's a little bit longer, but it's a little more. It's a little juicier. Okay,
so. So let me back up a little bit. So many, many moons ago, I
was working at a company and one of my co workers offered me these.
He said they're medical grade THC pills,
right? And I was a little bit, A little bit young, a little bit green,
a little bit behind the ears. I should have, I should. My, My alarm, my
spidey senses should have gone off, right? But they didn't because I was just a
little more gullible but more, you know, naive and everything. And he offered me
these. I think it was a five of them. He, you know, he said, medical
grade thc. Like, okay, sure, if you want to give me some free drugs.
I, you know, don't say. You don't see no. You don't say no to free
drugs, right? She gives me these, these five pills, and I remember there was just
like this really thick black or darkish liquid in them. But
I trusted the guy. He was a co worker of mine. And he says, yeah,
these are medical grade. They take a little while to kick in, but, you know,
you probably have a good time on them. Looking back, I don't know why the
hell he even gave a random co worker, you know, five of these. I don't
even know where he got them from, if they're legitimate or illegitimate. I, you know,
I have so many questions now that at the time I didn't ask.
So, okay, so I hold on to these, these, these
medical grade THC pills and then at one point, sometime later, one
of my good friends George comes over to the house and just. He's
just hanging out, having, having a couple drinks. And then at one point he goes,
hey, do you want to go to. You want to go down to the street
to one of the bars, one of the bar slash restaurants that we frequented,
and you know, get some food, get some drinks or just hang out. And I
said, sure. So somehow somewhere
I thought it was a good idea to take one of those THC pills early
in the night, right? Not exactly knowing what to expect, but I figured, hey,
it's a weekend. Like, what's worse can Happen. So as
we're. As we're leaving, my buddy George, he had
a couple drinks in him. He wasn't good to drive, but all I had was
these, these, these. These pills, right? Or one of them anyway.
So I didn't. I wasn't drinking. So I was still sober enough, I guess, to
drive. So I decided to. To get behind the wheel with him. And as we're
driving, these things are kicking in, and I wasn't familiar with
what it felt like to be stoned. So the time dilation,
like, the. The insane amount of time dilation that these things
gave me, I was. I was freaking the hell out. I was like, dude, we're
going way too fast. First of all, I'm going way too fast on this car.
We're going maybe 30 miles down and 30 miles an hour down the street, right
in the 45 zone. I was freaking out because we're going way too
fast. Everything took forever. We finally, finally got to the
place, and George was talking me through the whole thing. Like, you're fine. Everything is
fine. Like, I'm. I may have had a couple drinks, but I'm telling. I can
tell you, you're fine to drive. Like, you're. You're doing okay. So we get to
the place, we go to the bar, sit down
and. Okay. Now as I
recount the story as I wrote it down on paper, I have to kind of
remind myself that the silliness of
the entire thing. So I sit down at the bar with
him, and I asked the bartender, what's good, what's good for.
What's good to eat? And he says, the pulled pork
sliders were delicious, and they have a fresh batch and
they're off the menu, but they're probably one of the best things that you'll have.
I'm like, perfect. I'll have a whole plate of them. So he brings
these out, and I'm getting the munchies at this point. I'm getting hungry, right? That
THC hunger that you get after, like, consuming some weed, right?
I was getting hungry with a capital H. So these pulled pork
sliders come out, and I start devouring them, right? Because they're delicious. I
was hungry. It tasted great, right? It just hit all the
spots. So as I'm inhaling these pulled
pork sliders, I was down to the last one.
And the bartender comes around the corner. He goes, how was everything?
Now, with. While he was asking, how was everything
in my mind. Now, keep in mind, what I'm about to tell you only
played out in My head and nowhere else. For some odd reason, I was
under the impression that the bartender told me that, yes, they're the
pulled pork sliders that they had. Yet the batch that I'm about
to consume was the last batch they had for the night. And anything that I
wouldn't eat, he would have for dinner because he hasn't eaten anything all day.
So again, all that played itself out in my mind. Nowhere else.
So as he came around the corner and asked me how everything was, I was
about to take a bite out of the last one. And in my head, I
was freaking out because I'm like, oh, my God, I just ate this dude's dinner.
He didn't have anything to eat. He was hoping that anything I would leave left
over would be something that he would eat. And I
became so. I felt so guilty about eating his dinner.
And I stopped and I froze. And I looked at him, I said, I'm so
sorry. I didn't know. I had no idea. I couldn't
stop my. They're just so good. I'm so sorry. And he looks at me with
this look of confusion. He goes, what is wrong with you? And even my buddy
George was like, andy, what is wrong with you? The bartender ends up shaking his
head. He ends up walking away. And I explained to George what just
transpired. I said, george, were you not there when the guy told me that it
was going to be his dinner and whatever I don't eat was going to be
for him? And though the last batch of the night, George looks at me with
this look of confusion, at disgust, and he goes, none of that happened. Okay, Andy,
you were high. None of that happened. He hit the temp slider.
So again, never again. Right? So medical grade
THC pills. I don't know what. What convinced me to take them.
Never again. It's a weird request from the food industry.
Yeah, save me. Save me. What? What you can. I'm gonna go home hungry. You
know, just. I mean, of course, it doesn't make any sense now. Me recounting the
story, me retelling it. By the time in my head, it was 100 real.
